Introductory Letter
Subject: Self-introduction email
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Htet Wailian Min, currently, a first year student at Singapore Institute of Technology studying Civil Engineering. This is my introductory email to you.
I've developed a love for buildings since my younger days. Myanmar was under British rule from 1824 to 1948. That's 124 years of British colonial architecture which fascinated me. My dad studied in Singapore and wanted the same for me too. I came here in 2007 when I was only 8 years old. Moving from Myanmar to Singapore shifted my perspective on buildings. I've never seen a skyscraper back in Myanmar and now the sight of them opens up new possibilities for me. Intrigued by how they are built so tall, I started taking a deeper interest in civil engineering. I went to Singapore Polytechnic to obtain a diploma in civil engineering with business. Having spent 3 years in polytechnic, I have managed to develop a deeper understanding of the civil industry, but my thirst for knowledge drove me to pursue a degree. I am always striving to learn new things as I believe that our time on earth is limited. So we should live as the best versions of ourselves.
My short term goal in civil engineering is to get my fundamentals down and work towards obtaining my masters. My long term goal is to be able to have my own business in the civil industry.
My communication strength is that I am a confident speaker. I can converse with almost anyone and bring forth a common topic to talk about. I was an academic club member back in polytechnic and this required me to work with many different people to plan events for the school. I was blessed to be around verbal people as being in that environment made me a more confident speaker.
My communication weakness is my lack of complex vocabulary. I struggle to find proper words sometimes as I am too used to the singlish language. It is also due to a lack of reading in my younger days. I hope to be able to improve my written vocabulary in this class as this would help me stand out in my future career.
I look forward to participating actively in class so that I can experience a more enriching learning experience. I also plan to apply what I learn in my daily life to become a more effective communicator.
Best Regards,
Wailian
While your letter is concise and answers most of the questions I do believe it lacks a little when it comes to the two specific goals you have for the module.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes the writing itself you have forgotten to include a comma after "Dear Professor Blackstone".
Hi Ariffin,
DeleteThank you very much for your feedback, I've updated my work accordingly.
Cheers,
Wailian
Dear Wailian,
ReplyDeleteI have read your introduction letter and it has enabled me to get to know you better. The purpose of the letter has been stated clearly in the first paragraph.
I would like to point out a few things:
- When greeting the professor, you have left out a comma after addressing him
- In the fourth line of the 2nd paragraph, I feel that the comma could be replaced by a fullstop instead
- In the 3rd paragraph, you have mentioned "long term short term goal" which is a little unclear. I suppose you wanted to avoid the short term part.
- In your 4th paragraph, I think it would be nice to spell out the full word "polytechnic" instead of "poly"
You have stated your strength and weakness in communication with examples which is a good thing. I hope to work with you this trimester.
Cheers,
Praveen
Dear Praveen,
DeleteI am glad you got to know me better as a person through this email. Thank you very much for your detailed feedback. I've reviewed every single point and updated my work accordingly. I look forward to working with you again this trimester.
Cheers,
Wailian
Dear Wailian, I have read your letter of introduction and from there I was able to know you as a person. From the letter, your points were concrete and well elaborated. I suppose you need to include " , " after addressing "Dear Professor Blackstone". Other than this your letter looks great to me
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Chin Wai
Dear Chin Wai,
DeleteI am glad you got to know me better as a person. Thank you very much for your feedback. I've updated my work accordingly.
Cheers,
Wailian
Very well written letter. Points are clear and the letter flows fluently. Great elaboration to prove your points.
ReplyDeleteHi Gerryl,
DeleteThank you very much for your compliments.
Cheers,
Wailian
ReplyDeleteDear Wailian,
Thank you for this articulate, finely detailed letter. It's clear, succinct and most informative. You do a fine job addressing the assignment brief as you share your educational background and motivation for embracing civil engineering. You also provide a clear explanation in terms of communication skills and your module goals.
I find it especially interesting to learn about your fascination for buildings and how you were surprised by the contrast between those in Singapore and Yangon.
As was mentioned, this letter is fluent, which is quite an accomplishment. At the same time, there are a few areas for you to reconsider:
1. use of caps
-- ...studying Civil Engineering. > ?
-- I am too used to the singlish language. > ?
2. verb tense
-- Moving from Myanmar to Singapore shifted my perspective on buildings. I've never seen a skyscraper back in Myanmar and now the sight of them opens up new possibilities for me. > (tense)
Moving from Myanmar to Singapore shifted my perspective on buildings. I had never seen a skyscraper back in Myanmar, and now the sight of them opens up new possibilities for me.
-- Having spent 3 years in polytechnic, I have managed to develop a deeper.... > Having spent 3 years in polytechnic, I managed to develop a deeper....
I look forward to reading more from you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad